Prank Wars
by Amberjoe
Summary: Ever wondered how Lily and James fell in love? Prepare for slime, love potions and lots of laughs as we follow Lily through her seven years at Hogwarts.  AN:Peter is not in this because I hate him
1. 1st year

It had all started seven years ago, on Lily Evans' first ride on the Hogwarts Express.

Lily and her new found friends, Jess and Phoebe were sitting in a small compartment chatting excitedly about their new school. Lily was fascinated by the very idea of magic-coming from a muggle background Lily often found herself wondering if the letter, the visit from the ministry official and her trip to Diagon Alley hadn't all just been a very elaborate dream.

"Well I'm going to Gryffindor, where dwell the brave of heart!" Jess said loudly, interrupting Lily's thoughts and almost whacking Phoebe round the head with an imaginary sword.

"Watch where you're swinging that thing missus!" Phoebe scolded her, though unable to fully hide her smile.

"What about the other hou-" Lily began before she was interrupted by the arrival of three boys bursting into the compartment, laughing raucously having just set off a number of dung bombs in the corridor.

"Did you see the look on Snivvilly's face? Priceless!" Gasped one of the boys, running his hand through a mane of thick, curly black hair.

"Quick thinking using that slime spell your cousin taught you, Sirius!" Exclaimed a boy who, upon catching sight of the girls, ruffled his shorter black hair, giving him an even more windswept look.

"Stop being so vain, James!" The third boy laughed, not even attempting to smooth down his own sandy locks.

"Get out." Lily said firmly, having finally recovered from the dramatic entrance.

"You know what? I don't think we will." Huffed the boy who answered to 'James'. Lily's eyes glowed with indignation. _No one_ spoke to Lily Evans like that.

"I said Get. Out...NOW!" She said through gritted teeth. Redheads sure had fiery tempers...

"Alright alright, don't get your panties in a twist!" James shouted back before storming out the door, swiftly followed by the other two.

"Really! The nerve of some peo-" Lily was once again cut off by three streams of green slime splattering the compartment and covering the disgusted girls.

Unfortunately for them, the boys quickly made it an annual tradition to prank the girls, adding fuel to the girls' hate.


	2. 2nd Year

"We can't take this lying down, girls!" Lily huffed one particularly hot summer afternoon during second year. The girls were currently trapped in their uncomfortably stuffy dorm room, as their books had been bewitched to attack them. Phoebe had only just managed to shut the door in time to hear great thuds as the books slammed into the door. Three guesses who planned that one.

"I agree, but how are we gonna get them back? Prank the pranksters? But they're _Marauders_! They know every trick in the book!" Jess complained, listening to the dull thuds that were still emanating from the hallway.

"Then we don't go by the book." Lily grinned mischievously. Put together the three brightest girls in the year and you had a handful of trouble.

"We have to repay them in kind, though." Phoebe said thoughtfully, brushing her shoulder length brown hair, "I mean, if they pull a small prank on us - like this book one ,we can't really give them a love potion that makes them fall in love with McGonagall or something...that would be a little too much." Phoebe always was the one to bring the other two back to earth.

"Okay then spoilsport, how about this?" Lily whispered excitedly, filling the girls in on her plan. Jess' bright blue eyes sparkled at the idea.

"And I know just how to make that work!" She giggled.

It was 7am the following morning when the girls began to execute their plan. Making sure that all the boys were in the shower the girls crept into the bathroom and quickly sprinkled a copious amount of muggle itching powder onto the boys ' clothes. Completing their task the girls smiled triumphantly. A shower faucet turned off. Eyes wide with panic the girls fled from the bathroom just as the first of the infamous Marauders stepped from the shower cubicle. The girls headed down to breakfast to watch their plan unfold.

The boys were all squirming in their seats as they joined the girls for breakfast.

"I see you all look well today." James commented, smirking slightly before reaching down to scratch a more private place.

"Ugh," said Lily, ignoring his comment - Phoebe had managed to find a counter curse for the books at 2am! "Do you really have to do that at the table?" she continued, disgustedly.

"It's not my fault!" James protested, "It's these stupid clothes!" Sirius and Remus found themselves in a similar state of despair. Lily caught the girls' eyes and they shared a private smile. It was the clothes fault, after all...

"Potter! Black! Lupin! Why are you ignoring my lecture and rubbing each others backs? I have no problem with you expressing your...feelings for one another on your own time but NOT during my class! Detention for all of you! My office at eight o' clock sharp!" Professor McGonagall seethed during transfiguration. The boys all went beet red and the girls suppressed giggles. Jess hastily hid her laughter in a violent coughing fit.

"Peppermint?" Professor McGonagall handed Jess a sweet to help with the coughs which hadn't quite subsided yet. Sirius threw Jess a glare. It was well known that Jess was a dab hand at transfiguration and a favourite of the Professor's.

"A job well done I think!" Lily gasped as the girls collapsed onto their beds that night. Phoebe had taken pity on Remus during charms and had shown him an 'anti itch' charm she had learnt. However this also blew their cover. The Marauders knew it was them.

"We know it was you." Sirius had accused the girls in the common room that night.

"You're not even denying it!" James snorted.

"We're not even sorry!" Jess giggled, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes.

"At least you know now," Lily smiled evilly, "you DON'T mess with us." Then without a backwards glance, the trio turned on their heels and trotted off to the girls' dorms.


	3. 3rd Year

"Are you sure this is wise? I mean, last year when we pranked them they got us back good," Remus reasoned, "and this won't exactly endear you to Lily..."

"Oh don't be such a pussy, Moony!" James ignored his friend's warnings.

"And you honestly wonder why she rejects you?" Remus muttered.

Lily Evans was calmly eating breakfast with her two closest friends when she unexpectedly blurted out "I love James Potter!" Now this was not a truth telling potion, or even a love potion for that matter. The boys must have been very careful when engineering this potion. Lily rounded on James immediately.

"I knew you'd come around eventually!" James beamed happily. Lily opened her mouth for a scathing retort but found herself interrupted.

"Sirius Black is a sexy beast!" Jess practically shouted in the middle of the Great Hall.

"I never knew you felt that way, Jess!" Sirius said cheekily. Eyes blazing, Jess turned to Sirius, wand raised when-

"I WANT REMUS LUPIN'S BABIES!" Phoebe screamed. The hall burst into fits of laughter as the usually quiet, pretty brunette turned a brilliant crimson. She was almost as red as Remus who, unlike his best friends, did not enjoy being the centre of attention.

The day passed full of laughter and mirth, much of it to the girls' expense as every time they opened their mouths to speak, out would come "James Potter is a sex God!" or "Sirius Black makes me horny!". Luckily for Phoebe, Remus did not enjoy being called a 'love machine' and so he quickly lifted the spell from her. Remus dreaded to think what the retribution for this prank would be.

"But isn't this really unoriginal? It's really similar to their prank." Phoebe complained that night.

"Nope. They made us say stuff that wasn't true. Everyone knew that. This potion will make them spill all their embarrassing secrets." Lily reasoned.

She was currently sitting in the middle of the dorm room stirring a lilac coloured potion that smelled surprisingly similar to pumpkin juice. The girls had discovered Lily's talent for potions when the boys had burnt all Jess' lovely blond hair off and a hair regrowth potion was desperately needed, but Madam Pomfrey was out of stock.

"That looks ready to me. Now how do we get it into their pumpkin juice?" Lily wondered aloud.

"Leave that to me!" Jess giggled, rolling off her bed and quickly scooping some of the potion into a flask and trotting out the door.

Phoebe and Lily exchanged a look of surprise before following their roommate. Jess was bouncing off down one of the moving staircases when the girls caught up with her. She always was the hyper one.

"Wait!" Lily cried as Jess came to rest next to a suit of armor, "Where are we going?" she asked, slightly out of breath.

"To the kitchens of course!" Jess exclaimed, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Tapping lightly on the armor she whispered "Kitchens please" and the suit leapt to the side, revealing a long secret passageway.

"How? What? But..?" Lily stumbled as they walked down the dimly lit passage. Jess shrugged.

"I found it last year. I was really hungry one night and stopped to ask this suit of armor the way to the kitchens." She explained simply.

Stepping out into a new brightly lit corridor the girls faced a large painting of a bowl of fruit.

"Um, Jess...are you sure this is the right place?" Phoebe said tentatively, looking around there was no sight of the kitchens.

"Of course, silly!" Jess replied, tickling the pear which turned into a handle. The girls gasped as the painting swung forwards to reveal a huge room which looked suspiciously like the Great Hall, complete with house tables. The main difference was that this room was bustling with house elves.

"Hello Miss Ellis! What can Nobby do for the good Miss and her friends today?" Squeaked a voice beside them.

"Hello Nobby! Well do you remember three boys coming here yesterday and giving you a potion to put in our pumpkin juice?" Jess asked kindly.

"Well Mr. Potter and Mr. Black visited the kitchens last night and gave Bobby something for your drinks. But sadly Mr. Lupin was not with them. I think they called him a wuss but I wasn't sure why." Nobby smiled up at the girls. Phoebe turned to the others.

"If Remus wasn't involved in the prank then it wouldn't really be fair to prank him. I mean, he did lift the spell off me really soon..." she trailed off. Lily and Jess shared a significant look. Was Phoebe harboring a soft spot for the third Marauder?

"I agree. I mean, he's actually the only nice one! Maybe we should just aim for Potter and Black." Lily said softly. Jess nodded her head in agreement.

"Ok, Nobby, because the boys were so nice as to give us that potion, would you be kind enough to put this potion in their morning pumpkin juice? We want to repay their kindness! And when they next come to visit, make sure to ask if they liked it!" Jess asked the elf. Nobby nodded her head vigorously, happy to have more work to do.

"Thank you, Nobby!" the girls chorused, leaving behind a happy, blushing elf.

Trying to act casual the next morning at breakfast, the girls eagerly tucked into their waffles. Sniffing their pumpkin juice, they decided it was uncontaminated. The boys, however, were not so vigilant. Downing their pumpkin juice, the boys kept one eye on the girls, waiting for the attack that would surely follow yesterdays prank. They were just starting to relax when it hit them.

"I'm wearing pink boxers!" James exploded.

"I still sleep with my teddy bear!" Sirius shouted.

"My mum's nickname for me is JimmyJams!" James continued, shocked at himself.

"I used to take ballet!" Sirius looked horrified at his outbursts. Remus was trying, and failing to contain his laughter.

"Why am I not affected?" He asked Phoebe in between breaths.

"The house elves said you weren't part of the prank. It would be unfair to punish you for a crime you didn't commit! And besides...you're nice!" Phoebe explained, smiling. Remus sobered at the thought of what he would say if he had taken this 'secret telling' potion...it was lucky that the girls had decided to go easy on him.

"Mr. Potter! I do not care if you used to play with dolls! And Mr. Black! I do not think that the entire school needs to know of your secret ambition to become a fashion designer! If you continue to talk through my lesson you will be facing your 267th detention in less than three years! Do I make myself clear?" Professor McGonagall seethed during transfiguration. This was bringing back painful memories from last year...

"I collected my ear wax for a year and made a candle!" James blushed furiously.

"EIGHT O'CLOCK. MY OFFICE."

"I'm really glad you pranked them." Severus Snape said quietly to Lily that night while they were sitting under their favourite tree.

"So am I. I mean, did you see James' face when he told us about the granny panties he has in his trunk? Priceless." Lily smirked.

"It's good for someone to pick on them once in a while." Severus whispered.

"I don't know why they pick on you, Sev. It's probably because you're in Slytherin. Their brains are so small they can't look past house colours and see what a great guy you really are." Lily sighed.

"James Potter fancies you. He's always trying to get your attention. And the other girls all try and get his!" Severus sulked.

"Sev, do you really think I want that arrogant, pig headed loser to give me attention? He's still trying to get me to go out with him and I'm still saying no!" Lily exclaimed, and though she didn't see it, Severus smiled at her insult. _She didn't like him. She didn't like him..._


	4. 4th Year

Lily, Jess and Phoebe headed in to Charms and took their seats at the front of the class. Lily was slightly preoccupied, wondering what prank the Marauders would play on them this year.

"I dunno, maybe they've matured over the summer?" Phoebe suggested hopefully. Jess snorted.

"Mature? The Marauders? Are you kidding? They will be mature when Lily gets bottom marks in a potions essay!" she spluttered.

"Oh no..." whispered Lily. The girls looked at her questioningly. "I think I've found their prank." she said, pulling out her charms book. Except it wasn't her charms textbook. It was a copy of 'Pleasure for Pleasure'.

"The inside's just a textbook. It seems the cover has just been replaced." Jess said, cringing as she pulled out 'Bella Andre: Ecstasy'

"Girls!" Squeaked Professor Flitwick, "Why have you bought such books into my classroom? There better be a good explanation for this!" And so the day went by, every lesson the girls would find their textbooks covered in new covers, and every lesson the girls would have to explain why they carried round erotic novels in their bags.

"Why Evans, I never knew you liked that kind of book! Well at least we all know what to get you for Christmas now eh?" James laughed during DADA. Lily just glowered.

"Ugh! I mean, who has these kind of books anyway?" Lily cried during lunch.

"I don't know! The covers are so...raunchy! I've never read any...romance novel like that. What about you, Jess?" Phoebe exclaimed. Jess didn't reply and seemed absorbed in her chicken soup. The girls may have thought she had not heard them. Except for the fact that she was bright red.

"Jess? Don't tell me you actually read these?" Lily asked, wide eyed.

"You should try it. You might enjoy them." Jess whispered.

"How come we never knew this? We must have seen you reading them?" Phoebe was shocked, and a tiny bit curious.

"Well that's just it. You did see me read them. I just changed the covers so they appeared...ordinary. You could borrow one if you like. I have about ten under my bed..." Jess trailed off.

"Gosh..." The girls sat in a stunned silence before being interrupted by the boys.

"YOU!" Shrieked Lily at James as the boys sat down.

"Hey don't look at me!" James held his hands up, "Sirius was the mastermind behind this operation!"

"Well I just stumbled across one in the hands of a certain young female as she slept on the couch in the common room late one night." Sirius winked roguishly. Jess, who had just returned to her usual colour turned vibrant red again.

"Oh no..." She groaned, holding her head in her hands. All eyes turned on her. "I was so careful!"

"Jess? Wow. Sirius never told us who it was..." Remus mused. Jess looked up, shocked. Why had he not told them? She caught Sirius' eye but he blushed and looked away. Maybe they _were_ maturing...

"Okay girls. That was WAY too embarrassing to let them off lightly. Remember what Phoebe said in second year? We should do that." Lily said marching up and down between their beds like an army general.

"What? The McGonagall love potion? Are you serious?" Jess asked.

"No, Mr. Black is Sirius! But I am being sincere if that's what you mean." Lily giggled as the others rolled their eyes.

"I have some love potion my mum sent me for my birthday...she's desperate for grandchildren..." Phoebe mentioned.

"Perfect." Lily purred.

"I'm in love!" It hit James first.

"I have to see her!" Remus seemed dazed.

"Oh, Professor McGonagall!" Sirius exclaimed in the middle of the common room. Laughter broke out around the room.

"But where is she?" James panicked.

"Don't worry! We shall take you to your beloved!" Lily volunteered the girls. Each escorting a boy to prevent the breakout of a fight ("I love her more!" "No I do!")

Knocking on the staffroom door Lily found herself faced with Professor Flitwick.

"Ah Miss Evans, how may I be of assistance?"

"Could I speak to Professor McGonagall? Love potion!" Lily whispered the last part so the boys did not hear.

"Is she in there? Can I see her? When's she coming?" Sirius was difficult to contain.

"What is this Miss Evans? It's barely eight o'clock!" Professor McGonagall asked. Lily did not get a chance to reply.

"Oh Minerva! You have put me under your spell with your bewitching beauty! I can not survive without seeing your gorgeous face! I must know if you love me as I love you! Tell me, my sweet Aphrodite-"Sirius could contain himself no longer. McGonagall cut through his tirade.

"Love potion is it? All of them? Right...I am unsure whether we have any antidote right now so could you just try and keep them under control for today?" McGonagall seemed unconcerned by this development and soon shut the door on the three love struck boys.

"Right you three, you must show the Professor how much you love her and prove yourself worthy." Somehow Jess managed to keep a straight face.

At breakfast that morning Sirius decided to expose himself and show how he had written 'I love you, Minerva' all over his body. He was escorted to the hospital wing by a laughing Jess.

During Transfiguration Remus began singing a song of his own composition in front of Professor McGonagall's desk. The Professor valiantly struggled on with her lecture, but when Remus began to add actions to his lyrics McGonagall found that she could ignore it no longer.

"Miss Young will you please take Mr. Lupin to the hospital wing?" she said, exasperated.

Little happened until dinner when James began to express his feelings. Through the medium of dance. It also involved vast quantities of flowers sent cascading over McGonagall as she tried, unsuccessfully, to eat her supper.

"Oh somebody take pity on the boy and deliver him to Madam Pomfrey?" McGonagall cried. Lily stood up and obediently led James from the hall.

"Another one for you, I'm afraid." Lily said when depositing her charge. "Got a little overexcited." She continued, handing over James' trousers which seemed to have left his legs at some point during the dancing.

"Are we to be overrun with lovesick boys?" Madam Pomfrey muttered to herself.

The boys weren't allowed to leave the infirmary for a full week. After that the boys gave the girls the Silent Treatment. Not that the girls were complaining. For once they were not badgered about upcoming Hogsmead weekends. The boys knew the love potion was from the girls. Half the school knew! But there was no evidence against the girls. Hadn't they been the ones taking them to Madam Pomfrey? Hadn't they visited them every day? Hadn't they taken notes for the boys so they wouldn't fall behind in class? They were the perfect criminals. Untraceable.

It was Christmas morning and Jess was awake as soon and the sun rose over the mountains. Knowing better than to wake the other girls (and face the Redhead's wrath) she set about opening the pile of presents at the foot of her bed. From sugar quills to a miniature phoenix Jess fought her way through the pile until she was left with just one rectangular parcel. On the label all it said was 'Saw this and thought of you. Merry Christmas, Darling.'

Curious, Jess unwrapped the present carefully and smiled at the result. Then, hearing the girls stirring, she slid 'The Nymph King' under her bed.

That night, while everyone else was sleeping, Jess slipped a note under the boys' door. All it said was 'Thank you, Sirius.'


	5. 5th Year

OWLs were approaching incredibly fast and the professors really stepped up the pressure. Because of this the girls almost forgot about the annual pranking tradition. And by the second week they were beginning to feel as though they needn't have worried. The boys always pranked them in the first week. Always.

Not this time.

Lily opened her bag at the start of Potions to find 'Every Flavour Condoms' bursting from the bag. Jess and Phoebe's bags also seemed to be overflowing with the little coloured packets. Furiously trying to cram the stupid things back into their bags while extracting their potions book and making sure Professor Slughorn did not see the girls had quite a task. Vanishing the little buggers only seemed to make matters worse as more and more leaked out of the girls' bags.

"What are these?" Professor Slughorn asked Lily, picking a blue packet off the floor.

"They're sweets!" Lily burst out, desperately hoping that the Professor really was that far behind the times and that he really didn't recognise the offending item.

"Really?" Slughorn said, quickly ripping open the packet and popping the circular blue 'sweet' into his mouth. "Mmm...blueberry, my favourite!"

By this point Jess and Sirius were both hiding under the table, hands covering their mouths and eyes watering with laughter. James and Remus were having coughing fits over their cauldrons.

Running up to their rooms after Potions the girls emptied the contents of their bags into their room before dashing off to Care of Magical Creatures. To the girls' dismay, however, as soon as they opened their bags, they were once again confronted with more condoms. Luckily they were able to disguise this from the Professor and escaped, narrowly avoiding trouble when the hippogriffs attempted to eat the brightly coloured squares.

And so the day passed, as soon as the girls had deposited one lot of condoms, more appeared. The boys took pity on the harassed girls after dinner and relieved them of their burden. Most of the packages in the girls dorm also vanished suddenly, although on closer inspection there were still wrappers found tucked into drawers and pushed under beds. At least they could see the floor again.

"Okay, their prank lasted all day so ours must too!" Jess cried that evening, feeling very much like a commanding officer sending her troops into battle.

"My thoughts exactly." Agreed Lily, "Why don't we take them back to our first day? Remember all that slime? I'm thinking their bags are looking a little empty..." Lily's infamous grin stayed plastered to her face until midnight when the girls, exhausted from their extensive planning, finally collapsed into bed.

When James opened his bag the following morning he found his hands, and all his possessions, covered in a thick, green goo-like substance.

"Well," said Remus on finding himself in a similar predicament, "I guess this gets us back for first year." He tried to 'Scourigify' the sticky slime but was not all that surprised when more appeared in its place. Wiping down their Muggle Studies books as best they could, the boys prepared themselves for a very messy day.

At the back of the classroom the girls high-fived. Upon waking that morning Lily had found a small yellow square tangled in her thick red hair. Needless to say she was not very impressed.

Turning to Jess during Charms Lily was surprised to find that her usual seat was empty. Vacating her own seat, Lily finally found the source of the girl's absence. She was heavily involved in a thrilling discussion on why cheese smells. With Sirius.

"Oh My Gosh! It's so obvious! How can we not have noticed it before?" Lily's sudden outburst turned a few heads in the Common Room that night.

"What is?" Phoebe asked, lifting her head out from what appeared to be 'A History Of Stamps' but Lily knew was an entirely different story. Jess was such a bad influence.

"Jess has a thing for Sirius! It is so obvious! She's been staring at him for weeks now! How could I not see that?" Lily whispered furiously. They look over to where Jess was reading a book called 'The Nymph King'. Every so often Sirius could be seen glancing over to the blond haired girl and smiling. Jess, it seemed, was not totally oblivious to this attention, and was slyly biting her lip and twirling her hair in her fingers.

"She's flirting!" Phoebe exclaimed, "Perhaps then, her feelings are reciprocated!" she mused.

"Why don't you ask him out?" Lily and Phoebe pounced on Jess as soon as they were alone.

"Who?" Jess asked innocently.

"Oh don't give me that rubbish! You know who we're talking about! Sirius!" Lily hissed.

"Say it louder why don't you?" Jess said sarcastically, "I don't think the Slytherins heard!"

"You didn't answer our question! Why don't you ask him out? You know he likes you. I saw you flirting earlier." Phoebe accused quietly.

"I think he might like me, and he gave me this book at Christmas last year," Jess held up 'The Nymph King', "but you know Sirius. He has a new girl every week! I think the longest relationship he's been in is a month-and that only because the girl was in the hospital wing for three weeks and Sirius couldn't get in to break it off! I just don't want to be another of his groupies..." Jess sighed dejectedly, "I don't want to get hurt." she surmised. The girls understood. Too many times had they heard the wailing that signaled the end of Sirius' latest 'fling'.

The girls did not mention the topic again that year, although Lily noticed a significant drop in the number of 'flings' that Sirius was having. She also noticed Jess and Sirius becoming closer, although Jess swore that there was nothing between them and brushed her own feelings off as 'just a crush'.

"I don't know what to do, Sev," Lily cried one spring morning, "They're perfect for each other, and I want her to be happy but what if he hurts her? She's my best friend and I don't want to see her being used..."She sighed.

"Aren't I your best friend?" Severus smiled, "I don't know. He's a git but she's not exactly perfect herself…" Severus realised his mistake too late. "Lily! I didn't mean that! She's lovely!" He tried to cover it up.

"If you don't like my choice of friends just say so! I don't exactly think much of the people you hang around with. Mulicber? Avery? Your precious little 'Death Eaters'? There's something weird about them, Sev. I mean, Potter and Black can be gits sometimes but those guys are just plain mean!" Lily ranted before storming off. Thinking back to Severus' expression Lily felt awful. He was her friend after all...

It was the last day of term and everyone was getting ready to pile onto the Hogwarts Express for the beginning of the Summer holidays.

"Hey Ellis!" Sirius shouted over the noise of the engine.

"I thought we were past last names?" Jess giggled as Sirius blushed.

"Um...I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind ifIowledyouoverthesummer?" Sirius said in a rush, staring determinedly at the floor. Jess had never seen a shy Sirius before.

"Um yeah, sure!" Jess replied awkwardly, unsure of what to say next. "Well have a nice summer." She finished lamely.

"What? With a house full of Slytherins who think I'm a blood traitor just for being in Gryffindor? Honestly, I'm amazed I haven't been blasted off the family tapestry already!" Sirius was back to his usual, confident self. Jess laughed before hopping on the train with Phoebe. It looked to be a good summer.

_Dear Jess,_

_I have run away to James' house! Turns out my name has been blasted off the family tapestry so I'm bunking out in Godrics Hollow for a while. I'm having much more fun than I would be at my place, Prongs and I are planning all of next years pranks! Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have told you that, seeing as you're best friends with a Prefect...curse this permanent ink!_

_Anyway, I'm trying to help the love struck boy write a love letter to Lily. It's going well. So far we've got 'Dearest Lily,' ...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!_

_Whoops, must dash, I think I can hear Prongsy back from the Supermarket (this big shop where muggles go to buy stuff!) Mrs. Potter wouldn't let me go because last time Prongs and I ended up racing around in these trolleys which the muggles use to put their stuff in. Well it's not my fault they put a giant tower of beans in the middle of the floor-they were practically begging to be knocked over!_

_Love,_

_Sirius_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I'm sorry to hear about your family! Although you do sound very happy at James' so that's good. Not long until we're of age now anyway so you could get a place of your own-I can so see you in a bachelor pad!_

_Hmm, pranks eh? Looks like us girls are going to have to come up with something really good this year...I won't tell Lily don't worry! It's not like she could stop you anyway! And Remus is a Prefect, too!_

_Speaking of Lily-she is staying with me for the Summer. Wanted to get away from her family. I don't blame her - sister's a complete muggle and is rude to Lily all the time! As to the love letter, tell James to write from the heart. Just be open and honest about it. And it wouldn't hurt to grow up a bit. They are rather perfect for each other; I think Lily is just a bit too stubborn to admit it! (Don't tell her I said that!)_

_Supermarket? Wow I wish I could go to one! Sounds like a lot of fun. We're just chilling out and reading most of the time. Thanks for the book this Christmas. I've worn out my copy of 'The Nymph King' and it's nice to have the sequel!_

_Love,_

_Jess_


	6. 6th Year

As the start of a new term rolled around again the girls found themselves thinking more and more about the Marauders' next prank.

"We don't know if there's even going to be a prank! They may have actually grown up over the summer!" Phoebe was always determined to see the good in people.

"Actually there is going to be another prank...Sirius told me." Jess informed the girls on the first day of term.

"And when did Sirius tell you this? I was with you the whole of summer!" Lily asked, confused.

"Um, he mentioned it in one of his letters..." Jess tried to say casually.

"Oh! So that's who you've been owling! I did wonder. For a while I thought it was Potter and that you were giving him advice on what to write in his stupid love letters. Their quality seems to have improved." Lily said. She did not see Jess' blush.

"Let me get this straight. You spent the ENTIRE Summer working on this years pranks? We're NEWT students!" Remus exclaimed when he met up with the boys on the Hogwarts Express.

"Exactly. We're NEWT students. This means our pranks must be NEWT standard! Therefore they take extra time and consideration!" James explained. Remus just rolled his eyes.

"Do we really have to do this?" Remus complained that evening.

"Yes!" Sirius and James chorused.

"Weren't we going to show them how mature we have gotten over the summer?"

Sirius and James looked at each other shiftily.

"Yes...but one last prank can't hurt! It'll be the last one!" Sirius protested.

The girls were having their nightly shower when the boys struck. Quickly grabbing the girls' clothes and wands they ran from the bathroom. Laughing raucously, they collapsed into the Common room.

"What should we do?" Lily said hoarsely once the girls had discovered their predicament.

"Well we can't go back to the common room yet. We'll have to wait until everyone has gone to bed. So let's just stay here until midnight." Jess suggested.

"Yeah, that way the least amount of people would see us." Phoebe agreed.

"But the boys will be there!" Lily protested.

"Then we'll have to get them back really good for this one, won't we?" Jess said.

Whiling away the hours by suggesting prank ideas and seething about 'those immature gits', the girls finally made it to midnight.

"Maybe they just won't come..." Remus said hopefully. They were going to hate them FOREVER for this...

"Oh they will. They'll just wait 'til midnight so everyone's gone to bed. Right, you both got your cameras ready?" James smiled mischievously.

The Common room door opened gingerly and three very attractive, and very naked girls stepped through the doorway. Flashes went off around the room and the girls all dived behind the closest chairs.

"SERIOUSLY? GET LOST! I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU GUYS!" Lily screamed from behind the sofa.

"Ah, Jess! I didn't realise you were such a natural blond!" Sirius chuckled, admiring the photo in which Jess was trying desperately to cover herself up while giving Sirius the finger.

Remus was covertly looking at his picture of Phoebe while James was blatantly staring his photo of Lily who had her back to the camera and was resolutely refusing to give James a peak.

"Ok we've got our pictures, we'll leave." Remus sighed.

"You HAVE to destroy them! If they turn up around the school later you are so dead!" Lily growled from her hiding place.

"Okay, okay, don't get your panties in a twist!" James laughed, reminding them painfully of their first day. The girls didn't see the boys slip the photographs into their pockets.

"We should get them back tonight. We can't wait." Jess burst once the girls had got some clothes back on.

"Yeah. I can get the alarm clocks! Accio clocks!" Lily said.

For half an hour, the girls set the alarm clocks to go off every fifteen minutes from four o'clock until seven am. Creeping up the boys stairs and into their bedroom, the girls made quick work of hiding twelve alarms all around the boys room.

Giving the others the thumbs up, Lily hid the last alarm underneath James' bed. _Wow,_ Jess thought to herself, _Sirius looks so peaceful when he's sleeping_. She kept sneaking looks at the 6"2 piece of muscle that lay on the middle bed with tousled black hair and his covers strewn all over the place. He was a wriggler. _Just like me..._Jess thought.

Phoebe smiled at the blond boy to her right. _He looks so calm...usually when he's awake he's stressed about school or That Time of The Month..._Phoebe had realised what Remus was during third year. Of course Lily and Jess had realised soon after, but they didn't realise that Phoebe had secretly begun training to become an animagus. She didn't want him to have to spend his time alone. Only once Phoebe had succeeded in her transformation during fifth year did she confide what she had done to the girls.

_He's actually quite good looking..._Lily thought, staring at the chaser beside her, _Whoa? Where did that come from? This is JAMES!_

Quickly vacating the room, the girls fell into a well deserved sleep. Awaking refreshed at seven thirty the next morning, the girls hurried down to breakfast to find three very tired Marauders.

"Sleep well?" Jess innocently asked Sirius, looking at the dark shadows under his eyes.

"You bloody well know I didn't!" Sirius fumed over his cereal. James peered blearily at Lily. She was looking uncommonly pretty this morning. Remus was glowering darkly from behind his glass of pumpkin juice. He was not a morning person.

"We thought you might have matured over the summer. Obviously we were wrong." Sirius sighed.

"Us? You were wondering if we had matured? What about you? We've only been getting you back for pranking us!" Lily shrieked at the boys. Remus covered his head with his arms, muttering something about 'not being so loud...too early...stupid girls', whereas James just gazed at Lily. _Man, she's HOT when she's angry!_

"What are you staring at, Potter?" Lily asked scathingly. Blinking, James muttered a quiet 'nothing' before Lily stormed out of the Hall, swiftly followed by her room mates. No one noticed Remus' eyes following Phoebe out of the room. His hand unconsciously moved to his breast pocket where he felt the photograph of her next to his heart.

"Insufferable, stupid, ignorant GITS!" Lily seethed. Redheads and their tempers...

"They're not that bad, Lily!" Jess cried, "Just give them a chance!" she pleaded.

"THEY HAVE PICTURES OF US NAKED AND ARE CALLING US IMMATURE!" Lily seethed.

"...good point." Jess sighed, her mind distracted by the thought of Sirius' long, tousled hair and dark eyes.

"I think I'm going to go see Remus next full moon." Phoebe said suddenly one autumn afternoon, "I think he likes me and, well, I think he doesn't want to get close to anyone because of his...furry little problem...but if he knew that I knew and was okay and could even help him he might...reconsider..." she trailed off.

"Well I think that's a wonderful idea, Pheebs. You _have_ been planning this since when? Third year?" Lily supported her best friend.

"Well you have a week 'til full moon, why don't you show Remus just what he's missing?" Jess suggested playfully.

Over the next week, as Remus grew paler, Phoebe grew lovelier. She had asked Remus to tutor her in DADA-her weakest subject and things were going grandly. Every night, Phoebe's chair would edge that little bit closer to Remus' and their hands would brush as they both reached for the ink pot. 'Totally accidental' Phoebe swore. She would smile up at Remus, gazing at him through thickly lashed eyes...

"I can't take this, guys! I like her so much but if she ever found out..." Remus cursed as he paced back and forth between Sirius and James' beds.

"Well she certainly likes you back, couldn't keep her eyes off you this evening could she, mate?" Sirius shed some light on the situation.

"You really think so?" Remus needed further confirmation, "Although it doesn't really matter as I can't do anything about it!" He said angrily.

"And why not? If she really likes you then it won't matter to her what you are, will it?" James contradicted.

"But what if it does matter? What if she hates me and tells everyone? I'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Merlin's underpants'!" Remus threw his DADA book against the wall. James and Sirius shared a look. This was not like Remus. Remus did not get angry or violent.

"Look, mate, you're stressed out. Full moon is tomorrow night; let's not make any rash decisions until after that, okay?" James suggested wisely. Remus nodded slowly, slumping against the wall. It wasn't just about him. He didn't want to hurt her. _She's too good for me._

The full moon sailed around too soon for both parties.

"What if he hates me for finding out?" Phoebe voiced her concerns before Lily and Jess pushed her towards the Shrieking Shack.

"It's too late to back out now!" Lily said, exasperated. The girls watched as Phoebe's form shrunk and twisted. A purple mist surrounded the crouching form and finally a large, grey wolf appeared where Phoebe had been standing not moments ago. With one last look at the girls, the wolf trotted off to the Shack just as a high-pitched howl was omitted from the Shack.

The Stag and the Dog eyed the new addition with suspicion. When it became apparent that the wolf meant no harm they jumped around and played like good friends. As dawn was rising over the Scottish moors, Remus finally collapsed onto the floor in his now human form. James and Sirius made quick work of transforming back into their regular selves but Phoebe was more hesitant. It was time.

By this point all eyes were on the silver wolf in the middle of the room. A purple haze shimmered around the wolf until a female figure emerged from the fog.

"Phoebe?" James and Sirius chorused. The colour drained from Remus' already pale face. _She knows!_

"But? What? How? You knew?" Remus spluttered once he'd found his voice.

"I've known since third year. I didn't want you to have to be alone so I trained to become a wolf, turns out you already had company." Phoebe said gently. _He must hate me!_

"You did this for me?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Yeah..." Phoebe whispered, feeling more and more awkward as the seconds ticked by. Slowly James and Sirius retreated until they were out of sight, giving the couple some privacy.

"But why?" Remus didn't get it.

"Because you needed somebody. I wanted to be that somebody. I wanted to help you. I wanted to be with you." Phoebe babbled. And Remus, who had never done anything so bold in his life, crossed the floor to where the young girl stood, wrapped his arms around her frame and covered her lips with his. Having recovered from the shock, Phoebe kissed the sandy haired werewolf back with everything she had.

Breathless, the couple broke apart and smiled shyly at each other. Walking back to the castle hand in hand, Remus felt full to bursting with happiness.

_Now we just have to get Jess and Sirius and James and Lily together._ Phoebe thought cunningly. _But how?_


	7. The Plan

Lily and Jess rolled their eyes as Remus and Phoebe snuck looks at each other throughout class. Everyone knew they were dating but they weren't big on the PDA front.

Lily watched as Jess's eyes drifted over to Sirius. Again. He was already looking at her and she blushed and ducked as their eyes met for the umpteenth time this period.

_That's it. If they don't do something soon then I will._ Lily decided that after two years of sexual tension between Jess and Sirius, it was time to take matters into her own hands. She sent notes to Phoebe, Remus and James.

_Meet me in the library at 9 tonight. DON'T bring Sirius. Or Jess._

Carefully managing to distract Jess, Phoebe and Lily headed to the library just before 9.

"We have to do something about them." Lily paced back and forth in the Restricted Section.

"It's been two years. They obviously like each other." James agreed.

"I'm sure we could convince Sirius of Jess's feelings, then he would ask her out." Remus suggested.

"The problem lies with Jess there. I don't know if she would say yes…" Lily mused.

"Why not?" Grumbled James, "She likes him, he likes her. Why would she say no?"

"Because of his reputation." Lily explained gently, "We've grown up watching Sirius go through half the girls in Gryffindor…and Ravenclaw….and Hufflepuff. We've listened to the girls mooning over him, and then crying for weeks when he finishes it. We've seen him ask a girl out one week then found him in bed with another the next. To Sirius a fling is a fling, but to a girl it can be a hell of a lot more. I'm pretty sure Jess knowshe's interested, but she won't go for him until she is _sure_ that he won't break her heart like he did with all the others."

Phoebe took over, "She's scared of how _much_ she likes him. She's scared that she'll fall in love and then won't be able to get back up when he drops her."

"But he hasn't had a fling for months! Actually, he hasn't had one since last year. He's changed – he's changed for her!" James protested.

"Do you think she hasn't noticed that? Of course she has, but Jess has high standards. He has to prove his feelings are sincere. And not just through cheesy love letters." Lily eyed James as she spoke the last sentence.

"So what should we advise him to do?" Remus tried to cover James's blush.

"Just little things to begin with. Just enough to show that he really cares. He shouldn't show off about it…open a door for her, offer to carry her bags, buy her some flowers – Jess is the most romantic girl I've ever known - but he shouldn't push her. She'll accept him in her own time. And make sure she NEVER sees him even _looking_ at another girl – or everything he's worked for will go to waste." Lily finished.

"Wow," breathed James, "that's a lot…but you guys seem to know what you're on about…"

"We do." The girls chorused.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Smiled Remus, his hand resting on top of Phoebe's.

"And where exactly have you been?" Jess demanded as the quartet strolled back into the common room one hour later.

"I was helping them with the Potions essay." Lily said simply.

"And Sirius and I don't deserve help with Potions?" Jess pretended to be angry, but Lily could see how she had to stop herself smiling at her use of 'Sirius and I'.

"You've already finished it, and Sirius was busy." Lily shot back.

"So what have you two been up to while we were slaving away in the library?" James wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Lily rolled her eyes and smacked him in the back of the head.

"Ow." He whined, backing away to what he considered a 'safe distance'.

"I was practicing turning the table into a pig. Sirius was being chatted up by Olivia Crowley." Jess said with slightly more venom than was strictly necessary, and looked as though she had had thoughts of turning something other than the table into a bovine beast.

"She was asking for help with her Divination essay!" Sirius protested.

"Mm, and I bet you were a real help with that – considering you don't _take_ Divination." Jess muttered sarcastically.

Lily and Phoebe directed a scathing Jess upstairs while Sirius looked on helplessly.

"What can I do? It's not _my _fault Olivia fancies me! I can't help being gorgeous – what does she suggest I do? Ignore every girl who glances my way? What's wrong with flirting? She flirts all the time! I don't understand girls!" Sirius flopped onto his bed while James and Remus exchanged a look.

"About that…" James began.

"We've had some advice…" Remus continued, eyeing Sirius as he sat bolt upright.

"From the girls…" James didn't know how to broach the subject.

"Is that what you were doing in the Library? I thought that was suspicious – Lily would never agree to help you, James!" Sirius ducked a flying pillow, "Well don't keep me in the dark!"

Remus passed Sirius the notes he had made during the Agony Aunt session.

"…So basically I have to be…nice? Just nice? But she won't know I like her if I don't make a fuss! Are you sure this is right?" Sirius rounded on the boys.

"Hey don't have a go at me! I just wrote down what the girls said. If you have a problem with it – go to them. But Jess has kept her distance so far, so it won't hurt to try something new will it?" Remus concluded. Sirius sighed, defeated.

"Nice it is then."

"Lily did mention that she was romantic." James chipped in.

"Now romantic is something I can do." Sirius brightened. "Come on, guys, we're off for a late night trip to Hogsmead."

Jess awoke to the smell of sweet perfume. Opening her eyes she found a dozen roses scattered around her bed. Smiling, she scooped them up and hastily summoned a vase. There was a note on the end of her bed.

_All the roses in England could never smell as sweet as you._

Lily saw the flowers as Jess was carefully depositing them on her dresser.

'It's working' she mouthed to Phoebe.

At breakfast the boys were absent, but to make up for the loss there lay a single red rose on each of the girls' usual places.

In Transfiguration Jess found that while she had lost her quill, she had gained another rose.

After visiting the supply closet during Potions (she had run out of newts' eyes) Jess was astonished to find, on returning to her seat, that her potion had been replaced by yet more roses.

Finally at dinner, Jess laughed as she was covered by a shower of the crimson flowers.

"Overkill, mate." James whispered to Sirius, but he wasn't listening. In fact he wasn't paying attention to anything but the look of happiness on Jess's beaming face.

The next day Jess found coloured ribbon wherever she went. Blue at breakfast – filling her cup, green in the stone courtyard outside, pink inside her spell book, red inside her copy of 'A Dark Kiss of Rapture', yellow in her cauldron – they were making a potion which brings on euphoria, purple wrapped around her quill during DADA and finally orange by the hearth in the common room. A note was fastened to the orange ribbon.

_All the colour in the world could never be as colourful as you._

On the third day Jess was confused to find herself covered in letters. Throughout the day she found letters in beautiful script, cut from different fabrics. By the end she was sure that she had the entire alphabet several times over. She found the note attached to the letter S.

_All the letters in the world could never spell out how beautiful you are._

Jess jumped up on Saturday morning, eager to see if she had been left another message. The entire room was covered in tiny paper hearts and as she stepped out of the door, it seemed her daily route had been laid out before her. She followed the trail into the great hall for breakfast, then into the library where she found her fourth note.

_All the hearts put together could not beat as fast as my heart beats for you._

Yet the trail continued. She followed it to her favourite alcove on the third floor. Another note.

_We've been friends for a long time now, and I wanted to show you how I really felt._

Jess found herself in the astronomy tower next, but the stars that covered the painted walls had all been turned into hearts instead.

_Because this isn't just friends anymore. And all I know is, I've never felt this way about a girl before._

She was outside the boys' bedrooms next.

_You are my first thought in the morning and my last thought at night._

She was taken to the Transfiguration classroom. A bemused Professor McGonagall sat there with a note in her fingers.

"For you I believe."

_You brighten my day and I've found myself actually looking forward to lessons – because I get to spend them with you._

Following the bright red trail Jess faced her favourite tree. A great oak which she spent hours underneath in summer, drawing and writing and reading. She reached into the hollow that was situated at the base of the tree. She had stored many a book there over the years. Today, she found the last note.

_I don't want to waste any more time thinking about you when I could be with you._

The hearts ended here.

Jess looked up from the little piece of paper she held in her hand at the sound of rustling. Appearing from the other side of the tree was Sirius.

**Oh I'm cruel aren't I? I really appreciate reviews as they really do inspire me to write more! So maybe a few more reviews before I write the next chapter? Thank you! **


	8. Firewhisky, Levicorpus and Mudbloods

_Of course it was Sirius. It was always Sirius._

The handsome boy stood before her and ran a hand through his thick black hair, grinning sheepishly. Jess was speechless. She couldn't believe he had done so much for her. It was so romantic.

"Um, Jess?" Sirius said after a minute of silence. "Say _something_?"

"I…" She gulped, unsure of how to continue. She didn't want her bubble to burst. So instead of talking she strode forward until she was within inches of the 6 foot beater and, wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed their mouths together.

Although initially startled by this development, Sirius wasted no time in melting their mouths together and wrapping his arms possessively around her waist.

A series of whoops broke their embrace. The couple turned to see James being smacked – again – by a fiery red head.

"Idiot." She hissed before winking at Jess.

Sirius just laughed before capturing Jess's lips once again and pulling her around the tree so they were hidden from prying eyes.

Phoebe leaned into Remus's side and they became caught up in their own private bubble while James, in signature James style, raised his eyebrows at Lily who, in signature Lily style, proceeded to swipe at James.

"It'll never last." Sneered Olivia Crowley as she watched Jess tuck herself beside Sirius on the sofa in the common room that evening.

"Well he did so much for her – he never did that for a girl before…Those girls have stolen two of the best looking boys in our year! There's only James left now – and he's been crushing on Lily since third year!" Her friend Sophie whispered as they eyed the couples around the room.

"Everyone's got a boyfriend – even Frank Longbottom has snagged Alice Chambers – I never thought he'd get a girlfriend." Whined Olivia.

"Well Sirius is probably only with her for the action." Sophie suggested. "You know? She's probably really good in the sack or something. Why else would he go for her over one of us?"

"Well I'll be here to comfort him when it ends, though." Olivia laughed maliciously.

"Good morning, beautiful." Sirius whispered to Jess as she floated down the stairs on Sunday. "I have bought you breakfast." Jess smiled as she was offered a plate full of pastries.

"They're my favourite!" She exclaimed before grabbing a cinnamon whirl.

"I know – it's thanks to you that we found the kitchens, actually!" Sirius laughed, helping himself to a croissant.

"How?"

"Well I was bored one night in second year and I borrowed James' invisibility cloak, whoops you didn't know about the cloak – _there's no cloak ok?_" Sirius chuckled, not caring now what Jess knew, after all - she was no angel herself. "So I was strolling aimlessly through a corridor on the third floor and who should I come upon but a little girl sneaking around? Well I thought to myself – _what would she be doing out so late?_ I was suddenly struck by the thought that you might be working on a prank so of course I followed you and your little excursion lead me right under the great hall. Well I waited until you had left, of course – right little feast you had didn't you? Then of course the elves were so happy to find that they had another student to fill up. I shared the secret with the others of course…at least after a few months of private evening snacks with you."

"You were there? The entire time you were there? So that's how you always seemed to know what foods I liked." Jess smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"I'm more observant than you give me credit for!" Sirius moved his head so that their mouths collided. "In fact," he continued as they broke apart, "I know all about your secret love of firewhisky, how you ensure that the spinach is always situated as far away from your plate as possible and how you crave chocolate when it's _that time of the month._"

"How do you know about _that_? I never mentioned it to the house elves!" Jess stepped back, shocked.

"Well every month, for about a week, you would go to the kitchens at about 10ish and ask for chocolate. Honestly, Jess, anyone with a calendar could've worked it out." Jess just blushed and decided the subject needed changing.

"We have to do something about Lily and James." She said adamantly.

"You're right about that – I'm tired of dealing with a moping James every time Lily ignores him. He's gotten used to the rejection now, but every time she's upset it makes him upset that he can't comfort her." Sirius put the food down.

"Somehow I don't think plastering Lily with roses won't help the cause." Jess grinned at the memory. They sat together for a while, lost in thought before giving that up and becoming lost in each other.

"I don't suppose Snape's influence helps my cause." James commented to the gang – minus Lily – later that day.

"Well Lily doesn't like you picking on him, and while I can't really see the attraction he _is _her friend. Maybe you should leave him alone for a while – at least when Lily is around." Phoebe suggested. James just pursed his lips and tossed his stolen snitch around.

"Speak of the Devil…" Jess groaned as Severus Snape appeared beside the lake, his nose buried in a book.

"Be careful of that book, Snivellus – you'll get grease marks in it if you hold it any closer!" James shouted. Phoebe sighed.

"Maybe if you were a nicer person then Lily would date you. Oh I forgot – what did she say to me? Never in a million years would I agree to date such an arrogant, pig headed loser." Snape shot back.

The group could see the pain that flashed across James' face, but it was quickly hidden underneath a mask of anger. Within seconds his wand was raised.

"Levicorpus!" Snape was hoisted into the air by his ankles. "Take that back, scum."

"POTTER!" Shrieked a very irate Lily. "Put him down! NOW!"

"But he was…" James' excuse was left hanging. At the expression on Lily's face he dropped Snape unceremoniously at his feet.

"Mr. Potter, tell me when suspending students by their ankles became part of the curriculum, because I was not informed?" Professor McGonagall appeared out of thin air. James groaned.

"Detention. Next Friday, my office, 8 o'clock."

As McGonagall disappeared Lily was attempted to help Snape off the ground.

"I don't need help from you – filthy mudblood." He spat.

"Take that back!" James had his wand out again. On seeing Lily's crushed expression Snape attempted to backtrack.

"Lily, I…"

"Save it, _Snivellus_. You call everyone else that so why make exception for me? I really don't know why we're friends anymore." Lily spat back with venom before turning on her heel and running in the opposite direction. She had to get away before they saw her tears.


End file.
